


I have nightmares

by EsseaAnBlath



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:46:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27178081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsseaAnBlath/pseuds/EsseaAnBlath
Summary: Rin struggles with nightmares and Yukio wants to help.
Relationships: Okumura Rin/Okumura Yukio, Okumura Rin/Original Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

(No pov) 

"If we are fighting a fire demon, the best option is using water against it" Yukio explained to the class, while his older brother was clearly sleeping in his desk. 

"Rin Okimura, would you mind paying attention for once" Annoyed eyes stared at him. He woke up exalted. "Hai sensei" The oldest hurriedly said.  
"Oh, and meet me after class" Rin just nodded and Yukio continued his class. 

Time skipp 

As the class was reaching its end Rin was growing more and more anxious. He had an idea of what his brother wanted to lecture him about. He couldn't help but sleep in class due to the insomnia that he had developed. It wasn't something new, it just came back when he was too stressed and his brain decided to go back in time and remember. 

Remember past dark traumas that he only wished to forget. 

But he knew how his brother could be if he wanted to know something. Honestly it scared him to death telling him the truth, he wasn't ready, just no. 

He started playing with his hair and sweating a little. "The class ended, you can go" Said suddenly his brother. "Ahhhhh!!!" The half-demon shouted internally as his classmates left the classroom, leaving him and his brother alone.

"Okay, here we go, just dont panic" Said to himself while walking towards the desk. " I just have to lie to him with a smile like I always have" He leaned slightly into the desk and stared at his brother with an awkward smile. "Sooo, what did you want to talk about Yukio?" Yukio stared at him with serious elles. "You have been sleeping too much in my class lately. I know that you aren't having all the sleep you should. And don't even try to lie to me, I can see your eye bags." The youngest closed his arms, demanding an answer. He wasn't going to let this one pass. 

"Haha.. Ha" Rin brought a hand to his neck. "You got me" The smile was still in his face but his eyes screamed panic. "Think about something, quick!" His mind was in blank so he decided to tell the truth, partially. 

"Well you see, ummm. I've been having some issues sleeping."He said with sigh

"What sort of issues? Only if you tell me I will be able to help you." 

Rin took a deep breath " Nightmares, I suffer from nightmares every night and it gets hard for me to sleep" 

" Ok, don't worry, I'm a doctor and I know what to do. I can give you a beverage that will stop them. " Rin couldn't help but being excited " Maybe I'll be able to get out of this hell thanks to my brother. Yeyyyy"  
"Really?! How nice of you Yukio" He said as he twirled his tail happily " Where can I find it"   
The four eyed touched his chin " Most of the ingredients are in Shiemi's store, the others are at home." He grabbed a paper and wrote a bunch of things. 

(The paper said this) :   
3 parts chamomile flowers  
2 parts lemon balm  
1 part catnip  
1 part oatstraw  
1 part passionflower  
1/4 part hop flowers) 

He handed it to me and I immediately left and went to Shiemi's home.


	2. Shiemi's store

(No one pov) 

He hurried to Shiemi's store thinking of how great his brother is. The half-demon slowed down while passing besides the garden. The flowers always smelled like heaven and it was nice from time to time. 

He opened the door and Shiemi's mother. "Hi Okumura-kun, how's your brother? It's been a long time since he last came here hehe" The lady said with a smile. "He's fine, here's a paper that he gave me, it's a list of plant or something... " The teenager handed the paper to her. "Ok, i have some of these in the storage. Shiemi will get the rest." And with that she and Shiemi entered the room. 

"Why are you here Rin? " She said with one of her warm smiles. " I'm here to buy some stuff for a wierd potion of my brother. The paper with ingredients is in the table" The blonde grabbed it and laughed a little. " It's not for a potion silly, it's the recipe of a tea for insomnia" "Ohh" The offspring of satan said understanding. 

"Has Yukio been having problems sleeping? " "Oh no, now I have to explain. Uggh" "Well it's not him, it's me" She looked at him with sorry eyes and wished him to get better. They gave him everything and he left with a goodbye. It was a warm experience but he was still tormented 24/7 by his traumas and stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload more tomorrow, if you see anything misspelled please tell me. Am I the only one thinking this story is kinda cringe?


	3. The Night

"Yukio, I brought the stuff you asked for" Rin said opening the door. "Ok, well done Nii-san, now do your homework while I prepare it" 

"Gosh this homework is so tiresome, thank god there is only on exercise left" As he finished his homework he heard " Nii -san lets have dinner and I'll give you some tea" " Coming " He shouted back. 

Time skip  
"Ohh this tea is good"  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it" He sat in his bed " It's time to sleep so good night " The shortest laid in bed and covered himself with blankets and finally fell asleep like it was nothing. 

What he didn't know wass that the youngest will keep track of him tonight. 

(Yukio pov) 

My Nii-san has been of lately but I'm glad that he told me. I have decided to watch him sleeping for tonight. He looks so tired, how could I not notice.

Always so beautiful. Gosh i love him so much, my big brother is so cuteee. Of course I would never say that out loud. My theory is that he developed some light stress from everything that's been going on lately. 

It's 1:00 am and he is starting to sweat and move. He is mumbling things that don't make sense. 

" Do-don't go near my brother"  
"Mr please let me go"  
"Don't touch me there "  
"Noo"  
"Oto-san taskete"  
"NO"  
"STOP! "

I saw my brother's eye open, inside them there was fear, pure fear. Then he started crying and for instinct i hugged him. 

"Father, don't let him take me, not again" He said between sobs. I was in complete shock but did my best to calm him down. Eventually we fell asleep at more or les 3:00am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are short but I'll upload regularly. This ain't my first language so I'm doing my best, be patient with me.


	4. Next morning

(No pov)   
Even if it's weird the oldest woke up first, he could feel his sore throat and the dry tears in his cheeks. "Oww not again, and Yukio was here too" He felt embarrassed because his youngest brother saw him like that. " Now that I remember. It felt like dad was with me but it was Yukio. Gosh they look more alike each day."

Breakfast and lunch were yet to be done but he didn't feel like doing nothing. 

"Nii-san, good morning" A sore voce said " How are you feeling? " 

"Not excellent Yukio, it didn't work"

"Sorry Nii-san, I will find another way" 

"Thanks"

The youngest repositioned his glasses and stared at his brother sideways. Debating in his head whether or not talk about yesterday. He knew that his brother usually told the truth but this time he felt that the oldest wouldn't say a word. He needed to find a way to the truth. By any means. 

"Lets eat breakfast and go to class, try not to fall asleep this time"

"Kay... " Said the dark haired, the tiredness could be felt in his voice. 

(Pov Rin) 

Another day tired as fuck, gosh I hate my life. Why won't it just go away, why do I have to suffer so much? It feels like being that kid again. I feel used again, I can't forget it. It's my fault, if I just were stronger this wouldn't be happening. 

But in the end I did it to save my brother, even if I had to go through that it was worth it. I've always taken care of him in the shadows, just as he did. 

But I fought another kind of demons

And just like with him dad helped me to fight them, fight him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay, this is the end of the chapter. This note is to make clear that him is not Shiro. Ho is him? Keep reading to find out ;)


	5. A solution?

During school Rin fell asleep in almost every class. Yukio didn't do anything about it, he had enough with the whole episode of yesterday. 

(Pov Yukio) 

Yesterday was crazy. Seeing my brother like that really affected me. I've always seen him bright and strong, kinda messy but that's unimportant right now. 

That thing, whatever may be harming him I will make it stop. He will be my cheerful brother again! 

I thought I wanted to see my brother hurt. After all that I suffered as a kid because of him it seemed fair. It isn't. The tea he drank was supposed to stop his nightmares, it's very efficient. My dad used to give it to me when I was younger and it did wonders. Besides the tea I don't have much knowledge about nightmares and stuff like that... I'm a doctor gosh darn it, not a psychologist. 

I'm way too lost to know what's going on. At this point I'll have to take extreme measures. Ask Mefisto for help. His wisdom is undeniable and plus he is a demon so if the matter has to do something about it he'll know. 

Decided, I'll go after class. 

(No pov) 

The classes ended and the bells rang, time for all the students and teachers to go home. As everyone was heading out Yukio told Rin to go home alone and that probably he will be late today because of an important meeting. 

The teacher headed quickly to the pompous office. He knocked on the wall and it opened, revealing a smirking Mephisto. Yukio walked in and vowed. 

"Mr. Faust, I seek for your help. Lately Rin has been suffering from nightmares. Due to this he falls asleep more often in class. "

" Give him a belaruche tea and hiewill be sleeping like a baby in no time~" Yukio repositioned his glasses " Well sir that's the issue, I've already tried it and failed. So it would be of use if you could give me something that actually works."

"You have the title of Doctor right? Then you must know that the only way to cure someone is to know the reason behind the issue , let me explain. Oh and sit down this will take a while." The exorcist sat on the chair determined to find a solution that will ease his brother's pain, even if he had to use less orthodox methods. " Ok so first we must understand why didn't the tea work, expose your theories mr doctor "

"Err, yes, my theory is that it didn't work because of my brother's species" 

"Wrong! I've used it myself and it works just fine"

"Then what else can it be? "

"What I'm about to tell you is not known by most people, a secret. Give me at least one good reason to reveal it you.~" 

Yukio stood up, slammed the desk, glared at the 'clown' straight in the eyes and said " I need to know because of my brother, if he suffers I suffer! "

"Ok ok, calm yourself human, I'll tell you. And I thought the emotional one was Rin..." 

"I apologize for my actions" Yukio awkwardly sat again. 

"This tea only works if the nightmares are superficial, and by superficial I mean that they aren't something important. It's like a dream after all, they will be forgotten with time." 

"I see, then why didn't it work with my brother then? 

" Because the nightmares he seems to have come from a deep, darker, place. A trauma that haunts him and terrorises his soul. " 

"How can I help him then? "

"Well for him to get some rest you should give him bear sleep shots, but the nightmares will come back if you stop giving him a dose. " 

"That doesn't seem very healthy, it could create an addiction and most drugs harm the body if used for a long time."

"If you want to get rid of the nightmares you will have to use therapy"

"That will be useless, my brother won't talk about something that brothers him at that point to a stranger. Not even to me."

"There is a method, a forbidden one I must say. That allows a person to see wats in their thoughts. Technically if you get inside of his mind while he is having a nightmare you will see wat bothers him. " 

"That prohibited for so many reasons, there must be something else we can do" 

"There isn't, at least that I know of. And think about it, knowing his biggest fears will make you more proximate" 

"It still feels like I'm not respecting his intimacy. But I guess it's the best option It still feels like I'm not respecting his intimacy. But I guess it's the best option after all. Thell me how to do it. all. Tell me how to do it."

"Fu fu fu~ Very well, I'll bring everything you'll need. Be sure that he is asleep around 1:00 am, see you later doctor~"


	6. Going in

The night had fallen and Yukio made sure that Rin was asleep since 11 pm. Rin found this a little strange but decided not to ask, he wasn't in the mood. 

A little white dog with a ribbon entered the room and transformed into Mephisto with a 'puf'. 

"Greetings Yukio, I have the ingredients, we just need to draw the symbols in this book on the floor and follow the instructions. Quite simple actually. " 

"Let's do this"

The demon and the man followed the instructions. They drew a symbol on the floor with white clay and placed Rin in the middle with a towel on his forehead. Yukio smashed a few flowers creating a mix and rubbed it on Rin's cheeks while Mephisto lit up a few candles. 

"Now that Rin is in ren phase his nightmares will began, I will connect your minds and you'll be on expectation mode. You will be watching everything that happens. You won't be able to change anything so don't even try." 

" I trust you sir to get me out if something goes wrong, in the end this is forbidden for a reason "

"Don't worry I'll personally watch over you two"

Yukio sat on the floor facing his brother and started reciting an enchantment. Mephisto stood behind and counted. 

"eins zwei drei! "

Yukio dropped on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter our dear Yukio will be inside of Rin's nightmare and all the truth will be unfolded.


	7. The rape

Everything was dark, Yukio found himself in a void. Gradually the darkness revealed a room, his and his brothers bedroom. But it wasn’t his actual bedroom, it belonged to their past selves, back in the monastiri. Then he realised that there were two little boys with him. He recognized them, they were himself and Rin. 

Rin was reading a manga and Yukio was studying for an exorcist exam. Of course Rin was still oblivious of it. Nothing seemed to bother Rin at the time, the one who was stressed was him. He had two exams the next day, one at school and the other in the exorcist academy. " Thank god my math teacher took care of me. I remember not understanding that material and being so stressed. He thought me after class how to do it, what a nice teacher" 

The young Yukio looked at the clock and told his brother to hurry to class. The environment suddenly changed into his old maths class. He's younger self was very focused on his exam meanwhile his brother looked like he was reading hieroglyphics. The class ended and everyone turned in their exams. 

The students left the class and only the teacher remainded inside, it was recess and he was tidying hus desk. The man was checking his clock as if he was waiting for someone. Then he heard a knock on the door. 

"It's me" A voice said and Rin came inside. "I made sure no one saw me" A bit of fear could be felt in his voice.

"Ok, close the door and come here" 

Rin slowly walked towards the man. 

"Mister can we not do it today... My brother sure has done great in his exam and I don't think it's necessary... "

"Do what" Yukio thought " And what does it have to do with me?" 

"Nonsense Rin, come closer so I can have a better look at you" The boy looked sideways and stood 5 inches away from the teacher. Too close. 

"This can't be what I think it is, right? I mean he probably got hurt on the playground or something. I hope." 

The man placed a hand on Rin's shoulder. Rin had a light spasm. 

"Oh no" 

" You are stiff today dear" He brought his hand down trough the boy's back to his ass. "Relax, you wouldn't want anything bad happening to your brother right?" 

"Oh no"

"Yes sir, sorry" The little boy's head hung low. 

"Why so sad little one? You know are doing the correct right? Now undress I'd like to take a few pictures of you"

Rin's expression turned to one of panic and embarrassment. "Wait, no! This isn't what we agreed to! "

"So you are saying that your brother should fail maths and not make it to the true cross academy?"

"Please just don't show them to anyone. " Rin said as he undressed, the only pice of clothing left was his underwear. 

"Take those of as well" Rin proceed to do so.

Meanwhile Yukio was having mental breakdown, nothing made sense in his head. " Why didn't I know about this, did he even tell anybody?" 

The man took some photos of Rin and told him to bend over the desk. 

"Now I need you to relax baby" He put two fingers covered in lube inside his student. It was obvious that Rin was in pain but he did his best to stay put. Even with his efforts a few sounds escaped his mouth. The man took more photos then he started to lick his neck. All Yukio coul think of was the word gross. 

"You taste so sweet, you are such a nice big brother" He added a third finger and started trusting in him. 

"Ah.. Ahg... Staph... ahh... " That was all his brother cloud say. 

Yukio noticed how his old teacher started recording a video. "That motherfucker" He was so angry that he thought he might explode. 

" Ohh, look at you, your little girly ass is so lose already~"

Those words seemed to disturb Rin, his face showed anger an impotence. Rin always seemed so strong and ready to face all the odds but he felt powerless. The feeling was so intense that tears dropped off his eyes. 

"Here's your treat, be a good boy and endure it"

The man trusted inside of Rin, and the little boy let out a silent scream. He felt how much it burned inside him, it tore him apart. There was a strong will in his eyes, even in that situation he had a goal, protecting his brother. 

The end of the recess was near and the teacher came inside Rin. The boy got dressed and silently left the room. Yukio followed him trough the hallway. He noticed that Rin went to the most hidden place of the school. Then the boy started crying buckets. Yukio's heart broke at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow, this was soooo intense to write. I had a hard time because I didn't know how to write something so explicit and taboo. In the next chapter some tea will be spilled. Also, fun fact, I'm writing this in mid maths class lol.


	8. Let's talk about it

Rin woke up the next morning, surprised because he actually slept all night even with nightmares."Maybe it was the tea from yesterday "   
On the other side of the room, Yukio sat with a worried expression. Rin noticed this. 

"Yukio, is there something wrong?" Rin felt his big brother instinct kick in and sat beside his brother with a caring expression. "You know you can tell me anything" 

"Today we aren't going to attend classes, don't worry, I've talked to Mephisto." The half-demon was disconcerted about this. He always wants to skip classes, but his brother proposing it was way too odd. 

"That sounds out of place coming from you... Wait a second" Rin brought his hand to his chin pretending he was thinking. " Who are you and what did you do with my brother!? " A laugh escaped his mouth. 

"Ahh..Nii-san, this isn't the moment to joke around. Also, get comfortable cause we're going to talk for a long while"

" Ok little brother, what do you want to talk about? "

"Please don't get mad because of what I did" Now Rin really wanted to know what all this was about. "What could my 'perfect' brother have done?" 

" You see Nii-san, the tea that I gave you was supposed to work but didn't. I didn't know why so I asked Mephisto for help and he told me why it didn't work" 

"So this has to do with my nightmares... " The oldest was beginning to worry. It was a sensitive topic for him. 

"The reason was that it comes from a deeper place than regular nightmares, so to discover what they were about I had to... Um.... getinsideofyournightmare! " 

"Eh? Sorry, I didn't catch that, can you repeat? "

Yukio took a deep breath "Now or never "

" I performed a ritual to erase your nightmares. To learn how to do it I had to see what's in it" 

"WHAT!? " The oldest stood up with rage. "ISN'T THAT LIKE ILLEGAL? 

" I don't think there's al law made for that kind-"

“Do not get cynical on me!” A little bit of spit flew out of his mouth, Rin was angry as hell.

“Sorry I wasn’t aware”.

“Well, now you are!” “This brat tryin’ to play nice” Rin thought. Yukio always talked like a smartass when he did something wrong and didn’t want any trouble.  
“You are unbelievable, to do such a thing… Have you ever heard about privacy?”

“It’s not like you gave much of a choice either”

“Well, that was, like, the whole point!”

“It should not be like that! I'm your brother, I always have your back!” Both brothers quieted down for a moment, catching their breaths. “ Why didn’t you tell me…?”

Rin finally sat down, he was not on a rampage anymore. His breathing was irregular and some tears threatened to overflow from the borders of his sclera.  
“It's obvious, isn’t it”

“Please make an effort to explain it to your younger brother.

Rin looked down, he got shy suddenly.”Well I guess it’s, ya know, painful to share”

Yukio sat forward and gave his onii-chan an expectant stare

“Why do you even care, it happened long ago, I’m over it” 

Yukio slightly raised an eyebrow. “Yeah sure, that’s why you keep getting so many nightmares about it.”

“It just comes back from time to time, no big deal” 

“Yes it is! You’ve kept this from me all these years and you expect me to let it go? I feel like the worst being on this earth because I wasn’t beside you when you most needed me. When you were alone dealing with that pig!” 

The passionate reaction caught Rin out of guard. He thought about his brother’s words. “Maybe it isn’t so bad for him to know… I trust him, he is my teacher and my family. But I already had someone on my side when that happened, Dad.”  
“Actually someone helped me when that happened, Dad”

“Dad?” Yukio looked confused. “He used to tell me everything…”

“Hahahahah, now you know when your father and brother hide something from you your entire life” Rin kept laughing at Yukio, he was way more comfortable than before.

“Brat” Yukio also laughed a little. 

“Maybe we needed this conversation, want to keep talking over breakfast?”

“Sure”

Rin prepared their breakfast. He cut the chive with precision and ease, placed it in a corner of the cutting board and continued to cut and cook the rest of the ingredients. Cooking made Rin feel happy and useful, it was almost therapeutic to him. His brother kept track of his moves, he was always amused at his brother’s enthusiasm for such banal activities. The oldest finished and brought to the table their breakfast. The final result was a spongy omelet accompanied by a miso soup and a tiny natto bowl. The brothers sat and ate in a silence that awaited to be broken.

Yukio spoke first. “So Dad found out, huh.”

“Yeah, it was practically impossible to keep anything hidden from him…” Rin took a particularly big piece of omelet into his mouth “One day I came home with all the marks from the act and I tried to cover them. I wasn’t very subtle because I was a kid, duh, and Dad got suspicious. He forced me to show him and I told him I got into a fight at school. But let me tell you that man has done some nasty shit in his life because it didn't take him a second to identify the marks. He ‘interrogated’ me for a while and I told him everything. He was very supportive.”

“I'm glad to hear that.” Yukio said with a smile. “Wait, now that I think about it, was dad involved in that teacher leaving the school so suddenly?”

“More like leaving life. Dad disappeared one night and took care of the motherfucker. I didn’t ask any questions, I didn't need to.”

“Dad was great. I miss him.”

“I also miss the old man.”

Both of them always got nostalgic when talking about him. Now that Shiro was gone they only had each other. Since that day they grew much closer. 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this story.


End file.
